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The 4 Main Modes of Human Existence (Part 1 of 2)

Hello Happy February!

How is 'your best year yet' coming along? Or how about 'the new you'? What about 'be the best version of you'? Do these drive you mad as much as they do me? More on this another time but they have prompted me to point out some distinctions in relation to our 'best self.' Then, in part 2 of this blog, I will share a coaching case study that will illustrate what I'm about to cover here.

The 4 Selves

Psychologists will suggest that your 'best self' is composed of the following 4 selves; self-esteem, self-worth, self-image and self-efficacy.


Self-esteem is the collection of the thoughts, feelings and beliefs you have of yourself.

Self-worth is a deeper knowing that you are much bigger than any of these (i.e. thoughts, feelings, beliefs) and that the world is a better place with you in it.

Self-image is how you 'see' yourself.

Self-efficacy is your ability to take action, follow through, persist, do the work.

I think it's likely that we can be strong in some of these and struggling in others at the same time. I think we can feel bad about ourselves and not achieve much at the moment but, we don't beat ourselves up over it (high self-worth) because we know that tomorrow will be a better day.

The 4 Modes

I think we can simplify the above into the following four basic modes of human existence: Doing (efficacy), Feeling (esteem), Thinking (image), and Being (worth). It doesn't matter what order they are in and you can preface with either 'how' or 'what'. So in my coaching practice, I am using these 4 modes as a structure for a session and it would be something like this -

What are you doing these days? What are you spending time on?

How are you feeling about that?

What are you thinking about these days?

How are you being during all this? Are you being stressed, happy, energised, confused?

The Coaching Bit

So please reflect on doing, feeling, thinking, and being. I guess we are all good at 'doing'.

This structure might also be useful when you are supporting others. Part 2 to illustrate all of this will be with you soon.

As ever I would love your thoughts on any of the above.

Keep well, stay negative, must fly.....

Neil.




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